Sometimes i just wonder what had happen in the past and also what would happen in the future. And it is not easy to stop thinking about it. Its more like impossible. And sometimes, this makes me unable to concentrate on my work. I'll continue to day dream all the way even when i know that there's only a few more weeks till the start of 2010. I'm panicking like mad on the inside but on the outside i just look like I have the whole situation under control, when in actual fact, i don't. There's just way to many things in my head right now. Time is just not on my side right now.
Sometimes, i have motivation to do my work and study but my mind will soon drift off to some other place. Sigh. I can't stop my mind from doing that. Its only now that i realize that i have a real strong imagination to the extent that i have to think and imagine about stuffs that has happened or stuffs that may happen. I know that I should not be scaring myself too much and getting paranoid because of the 'O' levels. People just have high expectations of me and I don't want to disappoint them. Or else I'll be thinking that I'm just a total failure. Just like what happened last year around this time, when the A-math test results were out.
I don't want to be in that situation again. Its horrible. I freaking studied really hard for that freaking test. I just don't know why it happened. I tend to blame myself for everything even when I know that its not my fault that it happened. I know things happen for a reason. Sigh. I can't help that I'm being so hard on myself. Everything just have to be in place. I just want everything to be as perfect as it could be. The Os are seriously making me real paranoid. There's just this barrier of fear all around me and its really bringing my confidence down. I guess i don't seem to show it on the outside. *Breaks Down*
OMG, i can't believe i typed all this out.
" Well there's a time for giving upDidn't want to have to say itAll we're doin' is building wallsand now there's too many barriers "- David Archuleta, Barriers
